The Center for Parenting Education

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” Peanuts character, Lucy

Lucy is correct when she says it is okay to overindulge once in a while. For instance, during the holidays we may tend to “overdo” with our children. But a steady diet of this excess can create a sense of entitlement and affect their ability to learn many of the important life skills they need to thrive as adults. What’s the difference between overindulgence and healthy, nurturing parenting?

Overindulgence may include:
· inundating children with material things or experiences.
· doing things for your children that they could do for themselves.
· not holding your children accountable for their behavior.
Healthy parenting behavior includes:
· encouraging your children to be actively engaged in productive activities.
· not over-protecting by rescuing them from their responsibilities or by making excuses for them.
· spending time with your children more than spending money on them.
· activiely listening to their wants.
· teaching them to distinguish between wants and needs.
· not holding your children accountable for their behavior.
· helping your child to become an educated and critical consumer.
Healthy doses of structure, limits, and expectations lead to self-reliance, high self-esteem, and a healthy relationship between parents and children (and a little chocolate every once in a while doesn’t hurt either). 

Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.  ~Booker T. Washington
 

Placing responsibility on our children enhances their self -esteem by giving them a sense of accomplishment and showing them that we trust that they are capable of meeting their obligations.  It is also an effective way to discourage a sense of entitlement in which children expect that everything will be done for them instead of learning to do things for themselves. Here are some ways for parents to encourage responsibility and raise self-esteem:
 

-       Assign chores. Make the chores age appropriate; a 3 year old can pick up toys and put them in a basket; a 6 year old can help set and clear off the dinner table; a 9 year old can dust the furniture.
-       Hold children accountable for their behavior. Help children understand both the positive and negative consequences of their behavior. For instance, if they do their homework before they go out to play then they can stay out longer. That would be a positive consequence. It helps them understand the ramifications of their choices.
-       Resist the temptation to do too much for your kids. While we want to help them we must allow them to do things themselves. You can’t learn to walk if someone is holding you up all the time. We have to allow our children to fall down a few times. As long as it’s not a safety issue (like letting them cross the street without your guidance) then giving them the chance to learn for themselves is a good thing.
By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

“So that means that you and Dad did that twice.”
 Bridget Gawinowicz, age 5, after being told by her mom how babies are made (she has one brother).

It’s inevitable; The Question: “Mom, where did I come from?” If you are not sure about when or how to talk to your children about the birds and the bees, here are a few tips:

• Give them the facts – start early with short, age-appropriate conversations, adding levels of sophistication and detail as they maturity.
  
• Use everyday events as conversation starters – for instance, television ads.  I remember years ago, seeing an ad on TV that showed a happy little girl whirling around in a ballerina costume, then all of a sudden she was a sad pregnant teenager. Maybe not the best ad, but I knew what the underlying meaning was and I asked my daughter if she understood. It was a great conversation starter.
  
• Create an open environment - kids these days know a lot about sex, but so much of it is misinformation. Letting our kids know that they can talk to us about anything not only makes them feel relaxed about talking to us, but we can give them accurate information. And just because you are talking about sex doesn’t mean you are condoning free sex. Actually the opposite is true – keeping an open dialogue about sex gives you the opportunity to talk about your values.
  
• No need to bare all of your facts - if they ask a question about your behavior, you don’t have to share your personal history, and, in fact, it is not always helpful to do so. Ask them why they are asking; their question may be a cue that something is bothering them.  Remember, you want the focus on them, not on you.  What you did in the past is less important to them than how they are going to deal with their lives now.

By Claire Gawinowicz, Certified Parenting Educator

Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.

                                                                   Booker T. Washington

If you consider raising children a common thing, an innate talent, something not requiring  extra training, then perhaps research from Oxford University will change your mind.  Researchers there say, “Teaching parents better ways of bringing up children is likely to improve the child’s behaviour.”  The study concludes that parents who receive parenting education “report a drop in stress levels and an increase in improved parenting skills.”