Do you have children who always seem to be in a good mood and cheerful, no matter what the circumstances? Parenting them seems to be almost easy because they rarely question or challenge your decisions. Or, on the other hand, do you have children who appear glum and negative about whatever they encounter, and no matter what you do, you just cannot seem to get them to see the good in the situation? Chances are that what you have been noticing in your children is the temperament trait described as quality of mood.
Part of what makes all children unique is that each one is born into this world with their own unique style or temperament that determines how they interact with and react to the world. An individual’s temperament profile consists of ten traits, one of them being quality of mood, which will remain consistent throughout life. Understanding these traits can help you to parent your children in the most effective way possible so you are able to meet each individual child’s needs.
What is Quality of Mood?
Quality of mood refers to your children’s predominant and overall mood or disposition. Some children are born into this world more positive and optimistic, while others seem to be more negative and pessimistic. Many children will fall somewhere in between.
How can you determine your children’s quality of mood?
To identify your children’s mood as it relates to temperament, it helps to look at their mood throughout the course of the whole day. What is their mood first thing in the morning and while doing daily routines? What is their mood when being introduced to new things and new people, while playing with others, and when playing alone?
You can use the following questions to help you identify your children’s overall mood. Track your answers on the scale from one to five:
- Do your children seem to be more optimistic about life, pessimistic or somewhere in between?
- Do they seem to be more happy and cheerful or more serious and glum most of the time?
- Do they show mostly friendly and pleasant behaviors or mostly unfriendly and unpleasant behaviors during different situations?
- Do your children seem to smile and laugh a lot, or whine and complain much of the time?
1 2 3 4 5
Positive Negative
Optimistic Pessimistic
Quality of Mood
If the majority of your responses fall toward the right side of the scale, then you have children who have a more negative mood. This means that your children have a tendency to respond to the world in a much more pessimistic way, seeming to look at the “glass as half empty” and pointing out the down side of most situations before commenting on the joys. Children along this end of the continuum tend to be a little more challenging to parents just because it is more difficult to get those positive and upbeat responses from them. Their overall mood can sometimes feel discouraging to parents. These children may grumble more about things, and they may show little or no emotion at times when their parents might expect the child to be happy. However, that does not necessarily imply that they are not excited or pleased, it is just their temperament determining their response.
The good news about children who are generally more serious is that they tend to be more cautious and careful about jumping into things. They need to take their time to analyze situations and feel comfortable before showing any outward approval. They also tend to be hard to fool, making them not so gullible to things like media and advertising campaigns. If your children tend to have this temperament trait, it is wise to learn not to take their mood personally and as their final opinion on things. Recognize that these children need permission to be more serious so that they can feel alright about their temperament, and they need help learning to monitor and express their emotions in socially appropriate ways. As adults, these children tend to do well in activities and careers that benefit from their serious nature: law, academics, medicine, news reporting and journalism that require a sober perspective due to the importance of the issues they encounter in their work.
If, on the other hand, most of your answers to the questions above fall toward the left side of the scale, then you have children who have a more upbeat mood. These children tend to view the world as primarily a positive place. They are generally more optimistic and light-hearted, tend to be easier to parent because they respond more cheerfully to you, and are more pleasant to be around. They therefore receive feedback that is more affirming and that reinforces the cycle. They get along more easily with people, and often show more enthusiasm and trust when meeting new people or encountering new situations. On the other hand, these children can tend toward superficiality and don’t analyze or consider the down-side a situation before jumping in.
Things Parents Can Do
- Understand that quality of mood is a part of your children’s in-born temperament.
- Avoid negatively labeling your children who may have a more negative quality of mood as “grumpy” or “spoil-sport.” Instead, use descriptive, more positive words like “cautious,” “serious” and “analytic.” Realize, this is temperament, not a bad attitude with children with more negative moods.
- Acknowledge your children’s temperament and help them to understand their own temperament. Point out in a positive way behaviors that you see reflect their temperament.
- Teach children the words to use to express how they are feeling more accurately and appropriately.
- Children with a positive mood need to learn to recognize when things are serious so that they can respond appropriately.
- Use the skill of active listening to reflect the child's feelings back to him and to communicate acceptance on your part of how he is feeling: "You sound disappointed that we can't go outside now."
- Children with a more negative mood need to learn to monitor what they say by thinking before they speak, and taking the time adjust their attitude or consider how their analytical comments might impact another person. Social skills training that includes understanding the other person's feelings would be helpful.
- Learn not to let your children’s mood make you feel guilty or angry.
- Learn to work together. Understand how your temperament fits or does not fit with your children’s temperament and create strategies to help each other.
- Send messages to your children that help them to appreciate their unique being and help them to feel good about who they are:
- “You are very cautious.”
- “You consider things seriously.”
- “You think things through before you jump on board.”
- "You notice things that need to be fixed."
- "You have a critical eye for finding ways to improve things."
- "You light up a room when you come in"
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