Understanding Temperament: Persistence
Do you have children who seem to get locked-in and have a hard time accepting “no” for an answer? When your children get an idea in their head, are they determined to carry it through? Do they push to have things done their way? Alternatively, do you have children who are much less determined to get things done? Do your children move from activity to activity because they either get bored or get frustrated?
These questions all relate to your children’s degree of persistence. Persistence is one of the ten innate temperament traits that every child possesses, and is one of the contributing factors that make every child unique. Being aware of your children’s unique temperament and of how they respond to the world around them can help you and your children understand and learn to work together to create more harmony within your home and to provide an environment where everyone can be more successful.
What is Persistence?
Persistence refers to how long a child will keep at a task. Some children are highly persistent and get locked-in on certain tasks or activities. They find it hard to give up or move on until they have accomplished their goal. Highly persistent children stick with things even when they get frustrated or the task becomes too difficult. Consequently, they can be unrelenting with their requests and demands, often leading to many power struggles with parents.
The opposite of children who are highly persistent are children who have low persistence. These children seem to have trouble sticking with a task or activity. They also tend to get frustrated and give up easily, especially when bored.
How can you determine your children’s degree of persistence?
Use the following questions to help you identify your children’s degree of persistence. Track your answers on the following scale from one to five:
- Do your children have a hard time stopping activities, especially those they are not finished with?
- Do your children plead and beg you to do things “their way”?
- Once they start homework and chores, do they persist until they are complete?
- Do your children stick with things, like puzzles or homework, to the end even after the task becomes boring or difficult?
- Do your children become engrossed in toys and games?
- Do your children work hard to master sports or musical instrument skills?
No Yes
1 2 3 4 5
Stops Easily Gets locked in
Low Persistence High Persistence
Persistence
If the majority of your responses fall to the right side of the scale, then you have children who are highly persistent. This means that your children are determined to do things their way and on their schedules. They lock into ideas, behaviors and activities. They have a difficult time leaving something, especially something they enjoy, when you ask them to stop. They tend to be diligent with their requests, often resorting to pleading and begging and ending in tantrums. For example, when they decide they want to do something, they usually mean “now” and will not take “no” for an answer. If it is time to leave a friend’s house and they are in the middle of playing something, they may refuse to go.
Persistent children can wear parents down with their strength of will. It helps to remain neutral and not engage in battle with your children when they are upset. They need you to take charge when they get locked-in and to help them find ways to get calm.
There is a positive side to being persistent. These children tend to be goal oriented. Once they set a goal, they will stick with it, determined to work hard to reach their objective. They tend to pay close attention and listen to your instructions more thoroughly than their less persistent peers. Once they begin a task, including chores, they tend to endure to the end. Because of their unwavering sense of commitment, they often are big achievers with high hopes and goals and they often become strong leaders as they follow their passions.
If, on the other hand, most of your responses to the questions above fall toward the left side of the scale, then you have children who are less persistent. They typically stop what they are doing when you ask them and it is easy to redirect them to other activities. They do not get locked-in on ideas and are usually open to other suggestions.
The negative side of being less persistent is that children tend to give up quickly once they start something. These children may have a tough time finding the motivation to stick to a project or assignment. It can take less persistent children a long time to master skills because they do not tolerate frustration well. Getting them to complete chores or projects takes more effort and patience on your part to help them maintain their focus. These children need your encouragement and support to stick with something they have started.
Things Parents Can Do
- Understand that persistence is a part of your children’s in-born temperament. They are not doing this on purpose.
- Listen and understand what your persistent children need.
- Learn ways to stay calm yourself so that you do not engage in power struggles with your children.
- Teach your children strategies to calm themselves when they get upset, such as learning to compromise and learning to be more flexible.
- Remember, your children need your help to either let things go (high persistence) or to stick with things longer (low persistence).
- For less persistent children, help them break tasks into smaller pieces so that they can experience the satisfaction of reaching a goal.
- Allow more time for highly persistent children to finish a task before moving on, as they will probably be difficult to pull away if they have not achieved their objective.
- Learn to work together. Understand how your own temperament, including your own degree of persistence, fits or does not fit with your children’s temperament and create strategies to help each other.
- Identify and value your children’s unique temperament and help them to understand the value of their uniqueness. Rename the behavior: this is not 'contrary' behavior; it is behavior that is driven by your child's temperament and he needs help to manage his temperament.
- Learn to distinquish manipulative behavior/temper tantrum from a temperamentally driven behavior/temper tantrum.
- Send messages to your children that help them to feel good about who they are, such as
- “You are independent and capable.”
- “You know what you want."
- "You are very assertive about what you want. ”
- “It is hard to leave something in the middle.”
- "You really stick to things that interest you."
- "You are good at finishing whatever it is you start to do."
- “You can find ways to accomplish your goals.”
If you found this article helpful, click here to make a donation to
The Center for Parenting Education. Your support will enable us to continue to provide quality information free of charge. |
